Social awkwardness continued... know your friends... or face the peril

An article in today's WSJ mentioned another reason why you should be careful who you friend on your social network of choice: recruiters or HR folks will often look for "friends in common" and informally do a reference check.

You say: What? Really?

I say (looking at you with genuine concern): Yes, really. So when you "friend" that really annoying person in the next cubicle just because it seems easier than saying no, and annoying guy really doesn't like you either, and only asked you to be his friend bc he's a friend collector, you've set yourself up for trouble. It might come to pass that he's friends with said recruiter, and she calls him because she knows you guys work at the same place - and she asks him,"So Bob, do you think John is worth his salt?" Well you know what happens next: having no loyalty and an evil streak, he tells the recruiter that you're a big fat meanie...

Well... that recruiter isn't going to call you about that dream job. Poor you.

I'll pause here to let you clean up your friend list. Wow, that's taking you a long time...


Here's another quote from the New Yorker article I cited in my last post.

"I'm a Facebook addict," Scolnic said. "I already have 900 friends at NYU (gasp! he's a freshman!). Facebook sent me a warning that said, 'Stop friending people.' I guess I didn't take it as seriously as I should have, because last week my account was disabled for four days.... In the elevator, people say hi to me and I'll have no idea who they are. Don't get me wrong, I think it is useful... But for every situation where it helped me there have been, like, five or six that have just been really awkward."

And that, is, as they say, that.

Don't give the guy in the next cube any ammo, and don't have weird elevator moments.

Don't take candy from strangers. Don't get into strange cars. And don't friend people you don't like or know.

Never ending friending?

A while back, I had an awkward little Linked In situation. Someone asked me to help one of his friends get a job, and I really didn't know the person asking me that well, and one degree of separation further just really seemed way too much. I told him that I couldn't very well recommend someone I didn't know and hadn't worked with, so that was that. There's a very good chance I annoyed my contact, but hey - what can you do? When it comes to making recommendations, it's your reputation on the line as well.

So this brings me to the idea of online "friends" and "contacts." When someone asks me to friend them, I've always used the rule of thumb that I wouldn't friend anyone that I wouldn't want to have coffee or lunch with. This works in that I'm able to friend people like recruiters or other people that are good contacts to have, but that I might not really know very well.

It also keeps me from friending people that I might have regular contact with, but I generally either don't like or respect. I've found it's more trouble to have people like that in your friend list than to just not have them. You never know when someone is going to ask you to either introduce you to the person, or ask you what you think of their work, or something else equally as sticky. Why bring that on yourself?

Nevertheless, my rule didn't protect me from the sticky situation above. What's a social networker to do?

I've been thinking about it, and I really don't think there's an answer. Being social will bring a certain amount of socially awkward situations, so we just do the best we can. Either online or in the real world, sticky situations will exist.

A recent article in the New Yorker, "Social Studies" in the Sept 17, 2007 issue, touches on this topic. It says that most kids who are coming into college at NYU are already members of Facebook, and already have a pre-existing network of friends. While this is good in some ways (security, less anxiety), it limits the people you'll making connections with in the real world, and it totally removes the serendipitous aspect of making those lifelong college friends.

It also gives kids a real dose of the new kind of social awkwardness - that is - translating offline friendships into real world ones.

This post is getting long, so I'll pick up on this topic tomorrow. Happy Wednesday.

Interesting Video Podcast

The first minute or so of bad sound and video almost made me quit, but stick with it, this is good stuff. The sound and video improve after just a bit. And, don't worry that it's long. Most of the the good stuff is at the beginning in Shel's part of the talk:

Office 2.0: Social Computing Video Podcast

Some initial insights from Shel Israel's research for SAP (which is not yet complete, and my comments are in parenthesis):

1. Where there is an internet connection available, social media is active (people, we are about community, whether we're spending our time in the real world or the electronic one). This is a worldwide phenomenon.

2. The most popular portion of social media is social networking. Other aspects, such as blogging and online video, seem to dwarf in the light of social networking's impact on its users.

3. Social networking and social media in general are enterprise-applicable. (This isn't a push by vendors, but a pull by users. Those companies who learn how to leverage social media will have a competitive advantage in many different areas - teamwork, retaining talent, customer relationships, etc.).

The WSJ published a great article today on IBM's international development teams, and how social media is helping improve their productivity and collaboration.

IBM, along with certain other vendors like VMware are becoming known for their innovation and forward thinking in this space. It's not only benefiting them internally, but externally. If you are in the enterprise space, it's time to move NOW.

Note: Soon, I'm going to have to blog about all the innovative initiatives IBM has in place to retain people and increase productivity. It's pretty impressive, and they are getting regular media attention for it. Smarties!

Workshop #2: What do you like to do?

I feel "on a roll" with these workshop posts, so I'm going to do another one. You know the term (I think it was Coleridge who used it first) "willing suspension of disbelief?" I'm going to ask you to have it, as I continue to pontificate on best practices in the business world. Seriously though, I think this all makes a lot of sense, and we probably all know it in our logical mind, we just don't practice it like we should. Ready, set, here we go.

Today's topic - responding to, "So, (insert your name here) what do you like to do?" This question can also be phrased as: "So (your name here) what are your biggest strengths?"

Today's warning - I don't really have an answer to this. That's why this is called a "workshop" post.

These questions are very common in the business realm - when you're meeting new people in a networking scenario, when you're pitching a new client, or when you're doing a job interview. Commonly asked, but often flubbed.

I have been a flubber. For some reason, my brain refuses to take these questions seriously. My brain immediately leads me into thinking of"what I like to do" in terms of "turn ons and turn offs" which is definitely NOT the direction you'll want to go when answering these questions. You must stop your brain from leading you astray.

Where do you want to go with your answer? Well, I think it's all about telling the person what they want to hear. Yup, that's right. If you are trying to make an impression that sticks and endears you to the question-asker... you're going to need to tailor "what you like to do" to "what your audience cares about." Now, most people care about themselves, so if you can put yourself into the context of them - that should work like a charm.

Workshop Exercise:

So Christine, what do you like to do best (professional context)?

Brain says:
play with my dogs
travel
drink wine
outdoorsy things

What happens if you say this?
Other party steps away slowly and realizes you have no concept of where you are.

Strategic part of brain steps in:
(Bob is a potential client.) Well Bob, I'm really interested in online best practices and project management. That's why I'm very excited to bid on your (website that sells stuff online) project. You know, it's a great source of pride for me to bring a client a cutting-edge, stable, and scalable site and come in on time and on budget. Working as a consultant, I manage a lot of different types of projects, but ones like this, with so many complex moving parts, these are the real challenges and you can really see your work in action when you're done. Then, I'd start talking about his project some more.

Pretend Bob is a conference attendee that I'm "networking" with. I want him to remember that I do interactive consulting:

Oh, I'm so glad you asked. You're over at (some tech company) right? Right, so when you guys have a project - like your recent blogs project, would you do that in house? Then I'd try to align what I do with someone he knows at his company - or someone else that does a similar job that he knows.

I think this will work.

Ok so really quickly - the flip side .

I think it's vital that when people ask you what you don't like to do, or what your weaknesses are, that you tell them something and that something is pertinent and honest.

So when people ask me in a professional context - what are my weaknesses - I'll tell them. But... I'm not telling you. :)

Workshop: Elevator Pitch - "So, Christine, What do you do? "

Lately, a lot of people have been asking me "What do you do?" When you work for yourself, especially as a "consultant," this is a lot harder to define than if you are, say, an electrician or a real estate agent. If you have one of those jobs, people can imagine what you do. They can picture you doing it, and they have that image of you in their mind. "Sally sells houses." This is very very useful, because when people remember you and associate it with what you do, they are a lot more likely to call on you when they need a house sold, or refer you to someone who does.

But, when you tell people you are an interactive consultant, they tend to make that frowny face that makes you think about botox, and well, you know that you need an elevator pitch to go along with your answer.

Maybe you need an elevator pitch too? Let's pretend you do, and we'll formulate one together. Me first.

Our requirements: short, descriptive, to the point, and MEMORABLE. It's also important that in your pitch, you dispel any common notions about what you do. For example, for some reason, a lot of folks seem to think I'm a web designer.

Ok, here we go.

"Christine, what do you do?"

Bad Answer
I'm an interactive consultant. I create engaging value propositions to maximize my clients' initiatives by leveraging the synergies between the online and off-line realms. I help them distill evolving technologies for tangible enhancement to the bottom line.

Why?
Umm, what does it even mean? I only know bc I spend several hours a week immersed in MBA speak. Normal people don't talk that way (and they aren't impressed by it either). Also, they won't remember what you said. They might remember that you're full of hot air.

Better Answer - But still not good
I'm an interactive consultant. My organization builds websites, does custom application development like online communities and ecommerce, we do a lot of SEO, SEM, podcasts, copywriting, and much more.

Why?
It's all over the place. Why do I do all that stuff? How does building things relate to consulting? I probably just made my listener think I'm a web design shop. (Regular folks don't differentiate between web design and web application development. It's my job to know the difference, not theirs.) This is a common misconception about what I do, so I probably have been known to give answers like the one above. But no more!

Current Pitch I Plan to Use
I'm an interactive consultant with Conduit Interactive. We're a small consulting organization that helps our clients sort through the ever-evolving online space and determine what they can and should be using to grow their business. For some clients, this might be a new website that is better architected and better designed. For others, it might be a general marketing plan. And for others, it might be implementing social media like blogs, product reviews, even online communities. It's a really fun job. I love helping clients get to the next level.

Does it work? I think so. I don't know that "ever evolving" works very well in spoken word - so I might actually leave that out and just say "online space" (everyone knows it's ever-evolving). I also like that it ends on a high note. If the person engages me further, I can talk about some current projects.

So there we go. Need help with yours? Let me know. I'm an interactive consultant, and I'm here to help.

And we have a winner!

I'm very impressed. The company wrote me back within an hour. Somehow, I thought I'd never hear from them... since that has been my experience with some other companies that don't do their business primarily online (and some who do).

That's the way it should be. Any channel, same level of service. Can your company do that?

Online Customer Service - I'm going in

Don't try this at home. You'll only get hurt. Probably when you punch something in frustration.

I've got some service needs, and I'm going to blog about them.

I have a very expensive, yet broken ring. The company has a website, but there is no local store that sells their line. So... I'm trying the online route. I emailed them.. and asked politely how I might go about getting my very expensive, very broken ring repaired. Let's see if they answer...

I'm on the edge of my seat.

I'm not surprised, now go home

One of my favorite blogs, Valleywag, sent a reporter to one of my favorite events, Burning Man.

While I love Valleywag, the person they sent out there to "report" is totally missing the point of the event. I think this bothers me a lot because there is so much to get out of the event. Plus, at least for me, the convergence of technology and community building is fascinating and very applicable to my day job.

This is what Burning Man feels like. No, that's not me. I took the picture.

What you would expect (for example):

• interviews with the founders and long term attendees of Burning Man
• interviews with people in the tech community in their real lives, talking about what Burning Man means to them and why the make an effort to get involved
  
• stories about new projects and people doing nifty things with technology at the event (ie, art projects using solar cells)

What you wouldn't be surprised by:

Valleywag is a gossipy kind of site, so you would expect that the writer would be chasing down the Google founders in a shameless drooling way. He said he was going to, but evidently forgot, and that's fine.

What is really annoying:

He doesn't understand what the event is about. He's not talking about technology, the people, the projects OR ANYTHING. He said that the event is a "barter economy" (it's not) and he keeps whining about the dust and the internet connection being flakey. It's the desert, get a grip. If you find it so awful, why not ask people why they endure the harsh conditions every year? What's driving them?

It's so complicated logistically to get to Burning Man that most of the people you meet are thrilled to be there. They are helpful, happy, reveling in self expression/freedom and fully engaged in the gift economy. Now that the playa has wireless, I wonder if the trend of "embedded reporters" and "tourists" (as opposed to participants) will become an epidemic.

I hope not. We don't need that kind of attitude in our city. Wish I was there, instead of in class!